I'm just living, laughing, & loving

• Lately, I feel stuck. I certainly don’t feel much like an adult at all.
• I know that it has a lot to do with living with my parents again.
• Even though it was a choice that we made, with full acceptance of what was coming, and this was voluntary, sometimes I can’t help but feel like a failure. 
• We put a bid on a short sale house. It’s taking forever.
• Truth be told, I only like it. It’s in a great neighborhood. It would be a great house to live in for a long time. I am just not in love with it. Something is keeping me from being excited about it, but I can’t put my finger on it.
• Part of me feels regret about putting up our first house for rent for 2 years. I still love that house. I’m really starting to miss it. 
• Then I have to smack myself back into reality, and remind myself, location, location, location. You hated where you lived. 
• So many of my friends are moving away. Portland, Detroit, Columbus, Raleigh, Charlotte, San Francisco. I’m starting to feel like there is nothing much left here for me.
• Yesterday, John and I had a big life discussion about making some big changes. Changes that will be good for us. No. It doesn’t involve babies. 
• It involves dropping this house bid, and moving elsewhere. And I’m kind of excited about it. I hope we can make things happen. 
• We only have to worry about finding John a job. My job would allow me to permanently work from home, which would be nice for the short term, while we got settled in a new area.
• I still hate my job. People and their stupidity make me unnecessarily angry. I find myself doing less and less of the “going above and beyond” thing. See yesterday’s post. Call me when you have a problem with the (redacted) program. Not when you can’t make your computer stop beeping at you.
• I hate my car. It’s a piece of junk, and falling more apart each day. I can’t keep up with fixing the warning lights that keep popping up. Sometimes I day dream of hitting black ice, and crashing my car into a tree, or getting rear ended. (Hey, I said I was being honest.)
• I really want a Volkswagen Passat TDI (Turbo Diesel)
• I feel like I’m not present on Tumblr much lately. I’m sorry for being distant. I think it’s because I live with my parents, and I feel like a loser and uninteresting.
• It’s also because my laptop broke, and wouldn’t charge. But John is awesome and gave me my birthday present a month early, a new laptop! Woot!
• I want to go back to school, to help get me out of my rut. Part of me would really like to finish my master’s for speech pathology & audiology, to work in a hospital setting for Traumatic Brain Injury and Stroke patient therapy. Part of me would really like to change it up. Nursing. X-ray/CT scan/MRI tech. I’m not sure what feels right.

I think this wraps up my thoughts for now.